Practice 5 Love Languages in Relationship

I feel that many couples in this day are in the middle of the circumstances and they begin to struggle a lot more with this. These circumstances have many name and I will call them: listless marriage, impassioned sex, timeless quarrel and many other issues we can find in a marriage struggle today. All those things overwhelm our daily family live and we become tiring because of these stuff. Do you experience the same thing of this type of situation too?! Well... we have a little bit but... we have learn how to overcame it and most of the time I can say that the quality time together is the best thing to help me and Febry to rearrange all the misunderstanding between us and in related to that struggle also these 5 Love Languages will help us to fix our marriage life. The 5 Love Languages is very well known by now because everybody is talking about it. I remember one day I was in the car with all my Australian friends and they were talking about these 5 love languages. One of them asking, what is your favor love language? I never forget my friend Helen answered, touch, touch, touch and touch... while laughing! Which is mean touch every part for sure! "For me the 5 love languages is like a substance to fill the emptiness of a couple relationship and it is like a formula that can restore the relationship back to the track and to warm again the cold atmosphere and melted the ice!..." Yeah, this is my testimony about the 5 love languages ! So, let me remind you again The 5 Love Languages according to my favorite language off course! And if you ask me where is the source of The 5 Love Languages come from? I would like to say, as long as I know it's from Dr. Gary Chapman's book. He uses real-life examples from over thirty years of marriage counseling to illustrate the five distinctive languages people use to express their love. You’ll understand why you feel the way you do, and you’ll acquire indispensable methods for helping your spouse feel loved. The Five Love Languages can breathe life into your marriage. Lets go to the first one ! #1 The Quality Time The quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared. Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener. An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate. Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future. Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage. This is absolutely true, I (Eddy) have experience this over and over again. If we having problem in our relationship we have to set a time together, we use to have dinner together and going to town or going to certain place just both of us in the car without the kids. This is really fresh and bring back the feeling when was I'm in love with her. And then what we are doing in the car, we always hold hand each other and when this happen in my imagination always bedroom... (oh yeah...) but it's true. That's why the second thing works very well in our relationship in related with love language after Quality Time is TOUCHING ! #2 Physical Touch Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches. It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language. All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice. It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts. Yes that's right, we need to find it! Certain part somewhere and somehow will make your mate responds to your touch, it's very important because after that you need to have a special place to have intimacy with your wife or husband. Why I'm telling you a special place because in Indonesia which is under Asian culture, we are not use to kiss our mate in the public place but for western I thing where ever it is you may kiss your mate. Touching is really important for me and Febry because this is our same language to express our love. #3 Receiving Gifts Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn. If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate. The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love. These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship. For my wife receiving gifts is one of her favor that's why she likes to give something if we go to the mall even just for window shopping. She likes to offer me something if she knows I need it. For me I'm not use to it but then I need to learn and always put in my mind to do the same thing but most of the time I didn't always practise this language, I'm still learning it to put this into my behavior. # 4 The Acts of Service Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate. Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love. It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart. Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship. Please carefully notice here, we are not marriage just for making our spouse became our servant but we try to find out by observing or searching what area he or she likes me to express this language of love. For example, I like my wife to make a cup of coffee or tea for me in the morning but I don't mean for her to serve me to prepare my morning tea in her entire life. Off course in our family activities at home we will do our part like, I will wash the car and she will wash the clothe and our son will help us in laundry stuff and our daughter too. So, this language of love will be more effective if we do more often for each other to make sure that we still love each other though it cost a little bit energy and effort but we are aware we want to do it because we love our spouse. # 5 Words of Affirmation Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved. Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence. I just finished my lesson in this issue. Very often as man it's very heavy for our mouth to say something good or any positive word for our spouse. I realized this and I also know for sure there are many out there who have the same thing like mine. Now, I learn and it became my attitude if I see something nice or something good about my wife then I will say a good word to encourage her and to make her feel good about her self. Don't you think we shall do that more often? So, Let's Go! Let's practice The 5 Love Languages at home and in our relationship!